LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WISDOM OF OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS, CANDIDATES AND THEIR SPOKESPEOPLE, AND THE MEDIA PUNDITS WHO COVER THEM ...

"Somebody should have caught that and said, 'Wait a minute.'"
' Lafayette Police Chief Jim Craft in The Advocate, after a computer software problem was responsible for showing a 45 percent increase in violent crime in Lafayette

"I'd give them a B or a B-plus right now."
' Mike Taylor of the Louisiana Office of Community Development, quoted in the Times-Picayune in January on the grade he'd give embattled Road Home contractor ICF, despite ICF's closing at the time of only 177 grant applications out of 98,812

"We all have a tendency that we believe we are here because the people elected us and put us here. But that's not so. We're here because God chose to put us up here. And you see, Satan does not sleep. When we get here in the morning to take care of the business of the state, Satan has been in here waiting all night. In fact, I think he sits in seat 25."
' New Iberia Democratic Rep. Romo Romero, who occupied seat 25, bizarrely referring to himself in his final House of Representatives speech

"Their case is like a rum and Coke without the rum. And the Coke is flat. It's weak, my friend."
' Lafayette Parish School Board member Rickey Hardy in The Advocate, on critics of grant administrator Amy Trahan

"We're going to have a TND ordinance by Dec. 31 or heads will spin."
' City-Parish President Joey Durel on the city's lack of progress in passing zoning regulations tailored for traditional neighborhood developments

"In my opinion [Durel] is in somewhat the same situation that George Bush was in leading up to the Iraq invasion and war."
' Rightblogger Warren Caudle in The Daily Advertiser, writing about the controversial Redflex speed vans and ticket citations

"Just so you'll know, there is an unwritten rule here at City Court that tickets under 10 mph are not accepted."
' One-line e-mail from New Iberia City Prosecutor Anne Stevens to the Iberia Parish Sheriff's office, explaining how speeding tickets in the parish aren't prosecuted unless offenders are going 10 miles per hour over the speed limit. The e-mail was uncovered by The Daily Iberian.

"The governor said if she had rigged this, it would not have taken this long."
' Gov. Kathleen Blanco's Press Secretary Marie Centanni on the selection of UL President Ray Authement's successor, in The Advocate

"I have sold myself, I have sold my music and I have and will continue to sell the state of Louisiana. What I found out is that I cannot sell chicken. I can't compete with Sanderson farms, but I can compete with Alabama, Texas and Tennessee, which is where we are losing all of our industry."
' Republican Lt. Governor candidate Sammy Kershaw, addressing reports about his bankruptcy caused by hotchickens.com

"... I am extremely busy. So, in return for the precious time I am going to take away from my campaign for Attorney General to assist you, I am going to ask you to make a substantial financial contribution to my campaign ... Please consider making a $5,000 contribution. I can accept corporate contributions."
' Republican attorney general candidate Royal Alexander, responding via e-mail to a request for help from members of Louisiana Association of Ambulatory Healthcare

"If the next governor makes roads the No. 1 priority, I promise you higher education is not going to be the No. 1 priority."
' Gov. Kathleen Blanco, quoted in The Advocate

"When we're behind Mississippi and Arkansas we need some tough talk. Tell me what's in Arkansas besides Wal-Mart and Tyson's chicken?"
' Democratic gubernatorial candidate Foster Campbell

"I'm disappointed and outraged. Boustany and Vitter ran on a pro-life platform with traditional values and built a constituency based on those beliefs. Rudy [Giuliani] hasn't stood on those platforms. [The endorsement] was premature and ill-advised. The whole race could implode at any time."
' Rev. Gene Mills, executive director of Louisiana Family Forum, an epicenter for Christian public policy work

"A runoff is exactly what the Democrats want and need; it would give them more time to energize their base of support among African-Americans, gays, lesbians and a select group of white voters who make a living off doing business with government."
' From an editorial by Sam Hanna, Jr., publisher of The Ouachita Citizen

"[Attorney General Charles Foti] couldn't spell 'law' if you spotted him the 'L' and the 'A.'"
' James Carville, during an appearance at Tulane University

"If we do not get money by September, everybody better know it ' you will not see the light of day of October."
' New Iberia City Councilman David Broussard, quoted in The Daily Iberian after the Iberia Parish Council didn't support his initiative to fund a railroad overpass.

"Quite frankly, I didn't like that they put zero tolerance in the school zones. ... You have to give credit for daydreaming."
' City Parish President Joey Durel on KPEL radio, talking about the SafeSpeed program

NEW ORLEANS MAYOR RAY NAGIN, IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN ...

"You don't have anything to worry about. I'm looking at this audience and you all don't look like young African-American males who are involved in drug activity."
' Nagin, reassuring cruise ship executives about the city's murder rate, in the Times-Picayune

"Do I worry about it? Somewhat. It's not good for us, but it also keeps the New Orleans brand out there, and it keeps people thinking about our needs and what we need to bring this community back. So it is kind of a two-edged sword."
' Nagin, responding to a reporter asking if the city's murder rate is affecting tourism

"It was kind of offensive to me, because here I am busting my butt every day and all I'm asking citizens to do is to plug into the democratic process."
' Nagin in the Times-Picayune, talking about low voter turnout on Oct. 20. Secretary of State records later showed that Nagin didn't vote in the election.

LOCAL PERSONALITIES, TRADITIONS AND CULTURE ...

"This spoiled, rotten little bi--- did nothing but complain and whine and aggravate the sh-- out of me. ... We're gonna air the dirty laundry right now. You're a spoiled rotten little bi---, been a spoiled, rotten little bi--- for the last couple of weeks and I'm f---ing tired of it."
' KXKC disc jockey Scott Daniels to producer DeLannie Langlinais, on an August morning broadcast later exposed by The Independent as a ratings stunt

"I'm trying to get my sons involved. It keeps our kids out of trouble."
' St. Martinville resident Billy Duplechein on the importance of cockfighting in an Associated Press story

"Luckily, there's no shortage of tasty, stick-to-your-ribs dishes that don't involve animal abuse ' like tofu scramble, which is a delicious blend of tofu, vegetables and spices. Unlike eggs, tofu has no cholesterol, so in the long run you'll be saving Abbeville's residents a bundle of money that they would otherwise be spending on Lipitor and defibrillators."
' Part of PETA's letter to Abbeville's Giant Omelette Celebration asking the event's founders to stop using eggs

"It's a disturbing trend, men using public parks to find strangers for sexual encounters. It's happening around the country, including in Lafayette. Graphic Web sites point out public parks that are known as 'cruisy.'"
' From a KLFY-TV 10 story in November

"It was a picture of him shaking hands with George Bush. He said, 'Forget George Bush. I got a picture with Poo-Poo Broussard.'"
' Poo-Poo Broussard creator James Carrier, describing the reaction from an employee at a local company that hired Carrier to show up in character at its office

THE MEDIA OBSESSION CONTINUES OVER THAT CERTAIN EX-MOUSEKETEER CELEBRITY FROM KENTWOOD THAT SHAVED HER HEAD IN 2007 ...

"Few gestures are as symbolically rich as the shaving of the head. That's what monastics do when they reject the flesh to dedicate themselves to the spirit."
' New York magazine art critic Mark Stevens weighs in on Britney Spears

"I'm so Southern, and the BEST way for me to tell you how I feel is to say ' You can just kick an old dog so many times before he gets off the porch. I, FELICIA, am OFF the porch."
' Former Britney Spears assistant Felicia Culotta on thatotherblog.com, lamenting Spears' tabloid antics

HURRICANES, GLOBAL WARMING AND A LOT OF HOT AIR ...

"It's part of our responsibility to tell the American people what we do."
' National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration spokesman Anson Franklin in the Miami Herald, defending the agency's decision to spend $1.5 million on a publicity campaign while cutting hurricane research funding by $700,000.

"We don't know what those other cycles were caused by in the past. Could be dinosaur flatulence, you know, or who knows?"
' Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher of California, during a hearing on global warming

FROM THE GANNETT/DAILY ADVERTISER/TIMES OF ACADIANA FILES ...

"Teachers had to use pot plants and shower curtains to prevent computers and other equipment from getting wet."
' The Daily Advertiser, from a March editorial on the Lafayette Parish School System's proposed tax plan

"[Trey] collects statistical information, but the rest of it is a prediction and he can revise it after the movie comes out."
' Times of Acadiana Managing Editor Jan Risher, when asked how the Times' new movie "critic" was reviewing and grading movies without actually seeing them

"The Daily Advertiser is hiring a Copy Editor. Responsible for editing stories for publication while ensuring that spelling, grammer [sic], syntax, and quotes are accurate and correct."
' Advertisement that ran in multiple Daily Advertiser editions in July

"In 1977, during the American Revolution La Fayette used his own money to outfit a ship and sailed for America to join the revolution."
' from the Sept. 6 edition of The Daily Advertiser

AND NOW, A DISPATCH FROM THE SPORTS DEPARTMENT ...

"That might have happened."
' LSU athletic director Skip Bertman, when asked whether there had been an investigation into allegations of sexual misconduct between female head basketball coach Pokey Chatman and her players

"LSU Players Glad to Cut Down the Net Without Pokey Chapman Looking Up Their Shorts"
' Headline from satirical online sports Web site sportspickle.com

"He was struggling. Walter had a brief career."
' New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton, after he cut free agent defensive tackle Walter Thomas only 12 minutes into the Saints' first mini-camp

"Sometimes I got to think twice when they tell me Calvin. He's always been Boo-Boo. They just call him that Calvin stuff up here in Kentucky because they don't know no better. His name really and truly is Boo-Boo."
' Cecil Borel, older brother of Catahoula native and 2007 Kentucky Derby Winner Calvin Borel

"And name me one baseball player who has contributed more to baseball than Barry Bonds. Name me someone who has walked more. Name me another player who has won more MVP awards than that same Barry Bonds. Still, the white media wishes to destroy him ' because he too is arrogant."
' Ernest J. Gaines, in a letter to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution

"It takes more than a bike to win the Tour de France."
' Headline on an Oschner health care advertisement that appeared in The Advocate after two teams and an additional rider were booted for doping offenses

"Feel like spitting on [Tennessee Head Coach Phillip] Fulmer? You'll be close enough to do it. Want to chunk a corn dog at those annoying LSU fans? Do it from your balcony. That's how close Houndstooth is to the action."
' Internet marketing campaign for the Houndstooth, a condominium complex near Bryant Denney Stadium in Alabama

"Honesty, integrity, loyalty. Being fair and honest with people has always been the trademark of what I've done. So regardless of what anybody says, that is who Nick Saban is."
' Crimson Tide Head Coach Nick Saban on ESPN in January, less than three weeks after saying "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach," then quitting the Miami Dolphins

"Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event. It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event."
' Saban, after Alabama lost to UL Monroe

AND FINALLY, WE CHECK IN WITH LOUISIANA'S FAMILY VALUES SENATOR

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible."
' U.S. Sen. David Vitter, after his phone number showed up in the records of D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey

"We had discussed the exact fact that this bomb could go off any time in the campaign, and it did not."
' GOP fund raiser Boysie Bollinger, referring to rumors of Vitter and New Orleans prostitutes prior to Vitter's 1999 election to the House of Representatives

"Those stories are not true."
' Vitter, denying relationships with a New Orleans prostitute

"They called me a lying whore on the front page of my hometown newspaper, where my daughter could read it. I'm not a liar."
' Wendy Ellis, the former New Orleans prostitute who alleges Vitter was a client of hers in 1999, describing her alleged trysts with Vitter to Hustler magazine

"I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary [Clinton]. If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me."
' David Vitter's wife Wendy, in a 2000 interview with The Times-Picayune

"I do not read your paper on a regularly [sic] ... I read the story about your comments regarding Senator Vitter. You're a slime bag group of radical disgusting right wing a----les. ... I'm also sure that y'all are not aware of historical politics. The Greek rulers & senators had young male homosexual lovers 3,500 years ago. That was the main reason for their downfall. Also it happened with Senator Frank Studd [sic] from Mass when it was discovered that he actually had sex with young pages. He was praised for returning to the senate by the likes of T. Kennedy & Co.

Those things exposed by low life, despicable, disgusting, perverted Larry Flynn [sic] of Hustler Magazine didn't tell the whole truth. You see these things happened over 6 years ago. Since that time David has changed his life around. He reconciled with his devoted wife, the church and most important was his relationship with God. I'm sure that in the end he will be in heaven, while Larry Flynn [sic] will be burning in hell for eternity. Will you be down there too? By the way he's doing an excellent job in the senate representing Louisiana, more than Mary Landrieu.

The Advertiser did the right thing by stopping all the trash and did the right thing to know that scum bags like you & your staff would have wanted it to go on, & on on & on. I guess it's time for you to grab your Hustler mag mosey on down to the bathroom and masturbate."
' Our favorite anonymous letter to the editor sent to The Independent Weekly in 2007.

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