News -> Cover Story

Horse Farm Saved!

20090401-cover-0101.jpgThe cloud of controversy over UL's Horse Farm has finally been lifted. An eleventh hour landmark deal struck last night at midnight to save the UL Horse Farm envisions a global tourist attraction and partners Lafayette Consolidated Government with a group of foreign investors.

 

In a move designed to bring international tourism status to the Hub City, City-Parish President Joey Durel has cut a deal with the deepest pockets in global finance to save what many believe to be "the crown jewel of Lafayette."

 

"We had been at an impasse for years," says Durel, "when I got a call in the middle of the night. Actually it wasn't the middle of the night in Dubai, but I don't think they were thinking about that."

 

The deal, which Durel secretly leaked to The Independent several months ago - with a guarantee that we would not publish any details until it had been inked - also involves American business magnate Donald Trump.

 

Trump was vacationing at the Dubai island resort, The World, when he bumped into Saudi prince Bandar bin Sultan. Four hours later, after a prolonged game of Texas Hold'em, the two were business partners.

 

"I've been looking at doing a deal in Louisiana for some time," says Trump, noting his preference had been to construct a Trump Tower in the New Orleans Business District. Apparently, however, the prince had his eye on the Hub City, home to his alma mater. Reached on his cell phone while elephant hunting in Tanzania, bin Sultan says, "I remember fondly my days as an undergraduate at USL." A student in mud engineering, bin Sultan spent quite a few hours at The Bulldog, where he befriended then head chef Joey Beyt, who now owns Joey's on Bertrand. "We always talked about how we wanted to bring Riyadh-style entertainment to Lafayette," says the prince.

 

The Horse Farm deal brings together The Donald, bin Sultan, Joey and Joey in a complex pubic-private partnership to re-develop the Horse Farm property into a state-of-the-art theme park. (Lucifer E. Beelzebub, a new associate of Trump Towers Inc., also has a minority interest in the development.)

 

20090401-cover-0102.jpgTrump says the theme park, which will showcase rural Cajun culture while at the same time catering to globetrotting trend-setters, is tailor-made for Lafayette. The park is tentatively titled CoonAsstreauxworld. "Nowhere else will you be able to chow down on Beluga caviar, gas up your Hummer at a truck stop with a caged tiger, imbibe at a French-speaking wine tasting and watch blood-thirsty roosters fight to the death all in one place," says Trump.

 

Durel says CoonAsstreauxworld will be the kind of economic and cultural engine that lures the creative class, the term coined by Sally Jessy Raphael red-rimmed-eye-glass wearing author Richard Florida, to Lafayette. "This is the kind of game-changer project that will finally keep cool people from wanting to leave town," he says.

 

As for complaints from neighbors in the Super Greenbriar subdivision surrounding the theme park, Durel says those fat cats can move if they don't like roller coasters and screaming kids who are just out to have a good time. "Get, or be gone," he says. "In fact, just get gone. We did it on Camellia, we can do it here. Then, boom! Park expanded." Durel also is anticipating that the Save the Horse Farm community group, whom he refers to as "unrealistic tree huggers," will not be pleased with the deal he struck. "Their desire to preserve the space as a 'green space' for Lafayette was just a spacey pipe dream," the mayor says, putting two fingers to his lips and making a loud sucking sound.

 

Save the Horse Farm members could not be reached for comment.

 

Lafayette Convention and Visitors Commission Director Gerald Breaux calls the development, "a win-win-win-win." Breaux imagines CoonAsstreauxworld as a place visitors will never want to leave. "This park is really going to transport people into a fantasy world beyond their wildest dreams," he says.

 

Details are still a bit sketchy, but an initial list of park attractions gives a glimpse into the enormity of the project. First stop at CoonAsstreauxworld: a Hollywood-boulevard style Cajun Walk of Fame that plans to honor such local big screen stars as Armand Assante (Belizaire the Cajun), Keith Carradine (Southern Comfort), Bo from Survivor and Krista from Big Brother 2.

 

Guests can also watch yardbird gladiators in action at Jay's Cockpit and Family Diner and Grill. You won't know which rooster to cheer for, the champion or the loser, which becomes your dinner. Coco vin anyone? If you're still in the sporting mood, visit the neighboring Evangeline Ups and Downs truckstop casino and bushtrack.

 

Experience all the fun of drinking and driving with no consequences at the Drive Thru daiquiri bumper kart ranch. For a more sobering experience, linger at the memorial to fallen fighting roosters. Thrill-seekers can go tubing down the Deliverance-themed swamp ride, The Bayou's Revenge.

 

CoonAsstreauxworld will also house the world's largest Cajun food pavilion, as envisioned by Joey Beyt. "It's been my biggest food dream," he says. "Eat your heart out Alice Waters." The pavilion plans to revolutionize Cajun cuisine with pioneering menu items like Truffle-laced lard with fried pig's ears, Nutria-head cheese and alligator and squirrel ice cream swirl.

 

"Guests are going to come for the alligator ice cream and stay for the open heart surgery," says an ecstatic Breaux. "It's going to be a life-changing experience."


Comments (30)add
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written by Rob , April 01, 2009 - 01:10 pm
CoonAsstreauxworld - Awesome.
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written by Julia Sugarbaker , April 01, 2009 - 02:08 pm
April Fool!!!!
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written by Dee Stud , April 01, 2009 - 03:25 pm
I'm sorry to say this is not a joke. I try to explain things to Joey, but he just doesn't get it. I honestly think he's making a deal with Trump because he likes his hair better than mine. Yes, Joey's gone off the deep end now. I leaked this information to The Ind only after they did that wonderful article about me, but with the understanding Turk would do an investigative piece to stop CAT-W, as we call it in the office. Turk will have to write another glowing article about me again before I feed the beast again.
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written by Dennis Rodman , April 01, 2009 - 03:47 pm
Can't wait to see Joey on celebrity apprentice.

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written by jacquemo , April 01, 2009 - 04:10 pm
Man, I about choked on my calas....forgot it was le premier avril.
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written by Ken Morrogh , April 01, 2009 - 04:20 pm
Well done...
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written by nolaf , April 01, 2009 - 04:23 pm
This has to be a joke (April 1st, right?)!
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written by mitzi , April 01, 2009 - 04:50 pm
I read through the whole article stunned!!!! Kept saying, "this just can't be! They've lost their minds!" I felt like it was just a really bad dream....I was already making a mental list of all the people I was calling and writing to...then...it hit me...
yep...you definitely got me:)
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written by Atalie in Austin, TX , April 01, 2009 - 04:58 pm
I almost bought this. Half way through I thought my home town was going to pot, and I wanted to cry. It was Satan's minority interest that tipped me off. Partial tears turned into roaring laughter. Well Done Leslie!!!
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written by Tree Hugger , April 01, 2009 - 05:38 pm
Last time I heard anything about a sound of sucking, it was Ross Perot and jobs going to Mexico.....Funny, Har Har, Funny. Only stoners can appreciate nature, hmm, what does that say about the rest of us?
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written by h. breaux , April 01, 2009 - 09:31 pm
The degrading use of "Coonass' as part of a amusement park name is a disgrace to the Independant and its staff. Perhaps the April Fool's joke will be on you in the long run.
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written by J.Mose , April 01, 2009 - 10:02 pm
Person above me have a sence of humor life is too short. A coonass is a coonass I mean damn.
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written by N. Hernandez , April 02, 2009 - 01:42 am
I think it's histerical!!! Some of it, a little offensive, but I think the corruption played out here is brilliantly portrayed. I give one thumb down and one thumb up for these reasons. Go Joey!!! He will save our city with this!!! I bet Lafayette would name it Durel Park (or Joey Park if he prefers) if he does :)

I really feel Joey knows what's best for the people of Lafayette. Lafayette has no real geographical feature (environmental amenity) that outside corporations look to as a factor when looking to relocate here. Saving 100 acres of beautiful open space in the center of the city is crucial for our success as a city.

Go Joey!!!!
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written by D. Moore , April 02, 2009 - 03:53 am
zOMG! I'm not sure how far into this week's IND I got before I remembered what day it was. I haven't laughed this hard in a long, long time. Good work, guys, I thought I was reading The Onion!
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written by Concerned Lafayette resident , April 02, 2009 - 03:19 pm
Unbelieveable!
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written by Phil , April 02, 2009 - 06:15 pm
you had me going for a couple of minutes.
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written by Jimmy , April 02, 2009 - 09:09 pm
WHATEVER
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written by Super Awesome Comment Guy , April 03, 2009 - 07:02 pm
FANTASTIC
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written by Not Amused , April 04, 2009 - 02:01 am
Next week do you think you can write an article about what Barry Ancelet, Warren Perrin and Carl Brasseaux think about the usage of the word COONASS in the year 2009?
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written by Pink Rambo , April 04, 2009 - 06:29 pm
Barry Ancelet, Warren Perrin, and Carl Brasseaux? I cannot wait me for dare predictable response.
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written by Karl Breaux "Cajun Karl" , April 05, 2009 - 10:36 pm
What a unbelievably disrespectful use of an ethnicly degrading term. I am a proud Acadian descendent whose ancestors were expelled from Canada in one of the worst genocides in history. The Acadians (Cajuns) settled in Louisiana by the grace of God and the genourosity of the Spanish crown. We fought in the revolutioary war for the United States of America and have earned the right to be treated with respect.
The use of the term "coonass" as a substitute for Cajun is highly offensive to me and my family. I have heard many outraged customers at my store, Breaux's Mart who are fighting mad-righfully so!
I feel as though a public apology is in order. Go pick on another ethnic group and see what happens, as for me, I suggest that you stay away until I cool down.

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written by Karl Breaux "Cajun Karl" , April 05, 2009 - 10:37 pm
P.S. you can pick up the Independent news stand from my store
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written by Blane D. Faul , April 06, 2009 - 06:36 am
I hope that this is just a misguided attempt at April-foolery. If so, I must respectfully submit that now is not the time in our countries history to draw any more lines of division between ethnic groups and their cultures, even in jest. America is the land of cultural diversity and as we acknowledge our allegiance and national patriotism, we also hold dear the cultural and ethnic diversity that we have struggled so hard to bring to the rest of the world. Lafayette is a true cultural center offering as it does many international venues which we will soon experience once again in the excitement and pleasure of the Festival Internationale. The term "coonass" was originated by transients to describe men of questionable character who would provide these same transients access to prostitutes, a derogatory term by any definition. Do you think the Saudi Prince would like it if you jokingly called the park " Camel Jockies Asstro World"? How would Donald Trump feel if you, just for comedies sake, alluded to him personally and named the park (since it was once a horse farm) "HorsesAsstroWorld"? I doubt that they would share your sense of humor, or mine (Hey, you started it!). When the Times of Acadiana was first in circulation, it provided an alternative view on many different social issues affecting Acadiana and, although often controversial, it was generally thought of as "cutting-edge". Under the careful and educated direction of their long-time editor, the late, great Mr. Richard Baudion (a "Cajun" by the way) this periodical found a strong and loyal readership amongst the local population of truly well-educated citizens, many of them being schooled at our excellent hometown university, ULL, home of the "Ragin Cajuns". Ms. Leslie Turk worked with Richard for years and I have always found her to be a careful and serious writer, whether or not I agreed with her literary position. She has consistently brought imagination and insight to some of the most difficult social conundrums that we face as a community, and this through disciplined observation and research. In my opinion, Leslie was the obvious "writer of choice" when she was hired as a feature author for the newly-established, local weekly, "The Independent". However, I see a miscalculation in this particular attempt at literary comedy. To quote a statement I once heard made by the ULL Ex-President, Dr. Ray Authemont (a devout Cajun), "Our greatest export has become true talent". I do not believe that he made this statement lightly and this tragic circumstance has also been vocalized in recent and truly inspirational speeches made by the current ULL President, Dr. Joe Savioe (he's Cajun too) when expounding on the need to generate what he calls "Human Capitol". We must be careful with whatever tool that we choose to use in scoring the fabric of our community, whether it be simple comedy or true social maliciousness, and one can easily perceive this comedial attempt as either, because the basis of any community is unity, which is precious beyond measure and must be protected by our more respected intelligentsia. I doubt that all of the cool/talented people would be more inclined to remain in Lafayette as a result of a "theme park". Could it be that they choose to leave us due to an on-going stereotype, propagated by local and national media, that Cajuns are ignorant/backwards? I have lived in several places within this country and have chosen long ago to return because the most intelligent, genuine and lovable people were here in Acadiana. In summary, it may be alot of fun to kick around social epithats in the company of your friends, but remember this, the tapestry of our society is woven from many threads which can be made brittle by the coldness of a casual comment to the point where it could be utterly shattered by the sharp blow of carelessness.
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written by Disgusted , April 06, 2009 - 03:35 pm
Absolute arrogance by Independent publishers, city leaders. Joey Durel thinks the issue "is hilarious". I'm betting all those Cajuns that elected the non-Cajun Durel aren't too happy right now. Statements should be issued by all that participated or had their name associated with this "joke" apologizing and admitting their own ignorance. And the cultural community, the Cajun musicians and artists - how do they feel? We're back to 1970. And the rest of the Lafayette media is too stupid to even realize the impact of this "joke" - not one article or story about since it was published. Maybe the Morning Advocate ought to step in. We need real journalists in this town.
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written by What If... , April 06, 2009 - 04:37 pm
What if the word "NiggerLand" had been used instead of "CoonAsstreauxLand" ?

A racial slur is a racial slur no matter which ethnic group you're degrading. Unless of course it's disguised by city leaders and pompous weekly ad salesmen as "humor"?

Clever, intelligent humor is NEVER offensive. Your April Fool's issue was not true wit.


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written by Guneez (Latoya) Ibrahim , April 07, 2009 - 02:30 am
Oh that Cherry.
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written by Phil , April 08, 2009 - 07:09 pm
so why did all the Cajun's I meet working offshore tell me they were Coonasses, and proud of it. Y'all can pick the smallest nits to get your shorts in a knot over.
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written by daniel bob , April 13, 2009 - 05:17 pm
so why did all the Cajun's I meet working offshore tell me they were democrats, and proud of it. Y'all can pick the smallest nits to get your shorts in a knot over.
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written by Poooyai!!!! , April 14, 2009 - 06:39 am
You coonasses need to get over it, you act like it's a derogatory thing to be one or something. Have a little pride and self confidence, for Christ's sake! Y'all are taking life too seriously.
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written by Tam , April 01, 2011 - 11:54 pm
Oh please....get off your high horse, no pun - this was a joke.
The best thing about real coonass is that he /she knows how to laugh and have a good time
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